There were 3 numbers that popped up on the scale the first day of the month of November 2018 it was 198.9 pounds. I felt defeated and just very disappointed in myself. I thought I was doing amazing by eating healthy and doing workouts at the gym. But then my family suffered a major loss, my grandpa passed away. That in it-self devastated me and I began to just not really care what I ate or even care to go to the gym. I fell into a depression and continued to hate myself because I didn’t like how I looked nor felt. Well fast forward to December 2019 and I believe that is when I was just strolling on Facebook and saw that this girl who I Facebook, and Instagram stalked for a little over 4 years was accepting online clients. When I saw her post that, I instantly ran over to my husband and asked him what he thought. His reply “That wouldn’t be a bad idea, I think you will like it and get back to how you used to feel about yourself.” So, my journey began once I messaged her and said that I would love to be a client. Little did I know that by jumping on to become her client completely changed my life.

When I let people come into my inner circle, you know you are special. Sarah came into the picture of January 2019 and kicked my ass with those workouts. She became a very special person in my life because she made me realize I can push myself more than I thought I could. The amount of self-doubt I had in myself was nerve wracking. But by overcoming that and pushing through what I had to deal with made myself proud. I remember when I first started those dreadful workouts. The gym felt like a huge weight in itself. I hated going there, but once I became used to the machines and weights, it was nothing. The free weights always intimated me until I had to go over there and use them, then it felt like nothing. It wasn’t scary at all like I had imagined. Tracking food became a new thing, and it still is fun to be able to tweak it on days where I have run out of ideas. I felt amazing after my first 2 check ins and I slowly became more confident. But then I ran into a plateau, I wasn’t losing weight or really any inches and I felt defeated. When I say defeated, I was about to give up and didn’t think I was cut out for this lifestyle. Boy was I wrong; I didn’t need to give up, I just needed to keep pushing myself and “TRUST THE PROCESS.” (Sarah Bowling) If I didn’t trust the process, then I would be back to square one.

There was a time in my life that I didn’t think I was really capable of putting myself out there and documenting my journey. I made a “fitness” Instagram account when I was doing another program and just gave up on that because I didn’t feel I was doing anything special. Well that first day in the gym on this new program; actually, I am not going to say program because this is my life now; I posted my new post. It was the before photos and I was so embarrassed to post them because I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. But I sucked it up and did it. Going back and looking at the first photos I took on this new journey has made me realize how far I actually have come. There was never a time where I was consistent with anything I started. But the whole journey and where I started made me want to feel confident in myself. I was and continue to be consistent with eating healthy, counting macros, and making sure I work out. Continuing to do all the things that I honestly fell in love with has made me who I am right now.

Now, I am not saying that everything was this magically throughout my new lifestyle. It was brutal in the beginning. When people say that you never see the tears, the pain, and every emotion a person goes through to get where they are now is the truth. I learned to stop comparing my journey to people on social media because there is so much that goes into what you see in a picture. I had to get out of my head and talk myself into continuing what I am doing. If I kept comparing myself to other people, I would have given up a year ago. What I have gained now is that if you give up, you will never reach your full potential. There have been many people that have asked me “What special diet are you doing? Are you doing Keto? I wish I had the energy you have to be able to get back in shape.” I tell them every time, is that you CAN. You just have to want to change, and do it for yourself, not other people. Then they will ask me, “Do you have a trainer? Is she taking on new clients?” I will ALWAYS recommend Sarah, because like I have said before she has changed my life.

There are many people that I have come into contact with that really do not know me or my journey. Sometimes I feel as if no one really thinks that by eating what I do, which honestly, I have more carbs in my diet than what people think is good for a “diet”. Here is thing, I get to eat what I want and enjoy most of my favorite foods because they fit into my macros. Of course, I get to have a day off where I do still track my food, but I enjoy ice cream. I do not deprive myself when I am spending time with my family. I have 2 young kids and telling them that I can’t have an ice cream and enjoy having dinner with them would break their heart. I have learned to balance my life, and I am so damn proud. There will be people who will doubt you and say that you will never be fit. You cannot listen to them because if you do, then you are only pulling yourself back into the same rut you just got out of. I have encountered many people throughout this journey that made me second guess myself. I ignored them and continued to keep my circle tight. I kept pushing myself to be the best that I know I can be.

A few nights ago, I was talking to my trainer turned friend, Sarah, about how I am finally happy. I am finally at a place in my journey that I am beyond happy with myself. There is a new sense of confidence that I have, and I haven’t felt like this in a very long time. My confidence is beaming, and I am so much happier than I was last year. I will always say to keep your negative thoughts out of your head and just keep pushing. Take a day off if you need it. If you are stressed out, check out for a day, but then that next day kick ass. It really has taken me a long time to realize that you need to take time out for yourself. My past time consist of hanging out with my kids and family, I read, and also have just started doing this blog. I love hearing my kids laugh and be able to experience different things with them. This experience has and continues to be inspiring and just overall amazing. I have met quite a few women who are amazing and inspiring on their own. Always surround yourself with positive people. If you surround yourself with negative people, then your mentality will be negative. You will not go far if you are just keep surrounding yourself with all the negative energy. I hope my story will help, as I also love being an inspiration to people.